I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Your penis caused this!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
