i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
