I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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