How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
