Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
A bitchslap is in order.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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