Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
my poor anus
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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