What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
