just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
