you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
