why didn't you poke me back
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
