The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
