My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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