I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
