omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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