i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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