im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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