I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
