He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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