I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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