It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
