how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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