how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
