I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
