I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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