this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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