everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
