i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
