the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
