you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
