I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
