i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
