The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
