Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
