It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
