Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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