Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
