hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
