First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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