I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
cat food counts as protein by the way
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
