He disabled his match.com account in front of me
wanna go halves on a baby?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just want to make out with him forever
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