it was like having sex with a tree stump
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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