she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
