So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
