You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
All the doctor said was why
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
