just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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