I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
