guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
