I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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