3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
