Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
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Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Why can't burritos get me drunk
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
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