So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
