We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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