You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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