NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
