the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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