my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
