He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
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i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
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he just fucked me for my cheese..
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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