At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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