We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
