Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Don't make out with my wife yet
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
