THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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