I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
