So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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