Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
