Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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