He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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