i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
