I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
