Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
