I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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