I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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